Medicine From The Trenches

Experiences from undergradute, graduate school, medical school, residency and beyond.

One Week to Go to My First Marathon

What have I learned about myself? With every mile that I have run in my training runs, I have learned that I have a mental toughness that I found quite elusive a couple of weeks ago. Now, I have learned to face my mental “demons” with calm reserve, much the same as I approach a difficult case or patient.

I had found myself sinking, for lack of a better word, into a spiral of self-doubt and mental vulnerability. My mental shenanigans cost me a wonderful friend but I now move forward with every step and pick up the pace without fear. I can’t reason why I spiraled a bit over my academic work but I did and it’s done. From here on out, I deal from a position of strength rather than questioning myself and my motives.

This past week, I have had the pleasure of thinking long and hard about my medical and academic career. After many years of practice, I believe that self-examination is not an entirely bad exercise but I have also learned that I cannot ask anyone else to “walk in my shoes” or “understand” the things that can send me into self-doubt. My questions were not about my training or my ability but about how I handle adversity in matters that I didn’t fully understand.

Yes, I have plenty of regrets that I lost the friendship of a gifted colleague but I discovered new insight into myself and new support from unexpected colleagues and friends. I took the time today on my last long run, to think of each of my friends and thank them as I ran. I am very grateful for their friendship and I know that I will continue to move forward professionally and personally.

I thought about setting goals and achieving those goals. Certainly, there is no guarantee that I will finish my first (and only) marathon race next week but I feel calm and physically prepared. Mentally, I am in a state of surprise in that I have been able to train for this race and that I will have the toughness to make the needed adjustments to my pace and form that will allow me to complete the distance.

This training has make me something of a philosopher in terms of what I see and hear around me. I have taken great pleasure in simple things like a wonderful warm shower or that drink of water when I have pushed myself to the brink of dehydration. I have tended to avoid the “sports” drinks because I haven’t felt the need for sugar/salt loading. Plain water, not too hot or too cold, has been my best friend.

My training has increased my need for rest and sleep. For most of my career, I have had a love/hate relationship with the number of hours of sleep that I require. Most days, I cannot sleep more than 5 hours but with my increased running mileage, I have moved into the six to seven hour range. More sleep has allowed my body to rest and heal for the pounding that the increased mileage required.

With the end of the school year, I am looking forward to taking a week or so off and heading to California for some much-needed relaxation. I love being near the Pacific Ocean, smelling the salt in the air and just watching the fog cover the Golden Gate Bridge from the deck of where I stay in the Bay area. I have also completed my longest and best runs up and down the hills of San Francisco, a place of unrivaled beauty and wonder.

Finally, I know that I cannot be “all things to all people” and I just need to let things fall as they will. For a surgeon who is quite used to affecting something definitive in most cases, letting go is a new feeling for me. Most of the time, things just work themselves out and I am the instrument. This has been the best part of my marathon training; seeing how I am an instrument of my training and experience.

This training for a marathon has been something of a metaphor for life for me. I set this goal and I have made some progress toward it in some manner over the past year. Though I didn’t reach the distances that one typically associates with distance running, I am very grateful for every step as I have moved along. Yes, I know I am a very secure middle-distance runner but stretching the distance has been good experience for me. With the stretch has come great self-knowledge.

 

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8 May, 2016 - Posted by | medical school, medicine, practice of medicine, relaxation, stress reduction | ,

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